MARIANO RIVERA FOR SALE!
WINNING BIDDER RECEIVES ONE 35-YEAR OLD, 6-2/170 LB., RIGHT-HANDED, STEROID-FREE, CLOSING PITCHER.
PITCHER SHOWS MODERATE WEAR BUT IS STILL IN GREAT WORKING CONDITION (AS LONG AS IT ISN’T AGAINST THE BOSTON RED SOX).
PITCHER ORIGINATES FROM PANAMA CITY, WHERE MY BUDDY GEORGE PICKED HIM UP IN FEBRUARY 1990.
COMES COMPLETE WITH FOUR WORLD SERIES RINGS AND OVER NINE YEARS OF MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL EXPERIENCE!
94 MILE PER HOUR FASTBALL ALSO INCLUDED!
I AM SELLING THIS CLOSER BECAUSE HE HAS NOT BEEN WORKING WELL AGAINST THE BOSTON RED SOX, WHICH IS THE ONLY TIME I NEED HIM.
WORKS WELL AGAINST DEVIL RAYS, ROYALS, BLUE JAYS, AND ALL THOUGH I HAVE NOT YET TESTED HIM ON THIS CLUB, I WILL ISSUE A FULL REFUND IF HE DOES NOT DO THE JOB AGAINST THE WASHINGTON NATIONALS.
BUYER PAYS ACTUAL SHIPPING COSTS VIA FIRST CLASS, DELTA AIRLINES FLIGHT.
NO DEADBEAT BIDDERS (THAT INCLUDES YOU JOSE CANSECO!)
ALSO BIDS WILL NOT BE HONORED FROM THEO EPSTEIN, OR OMAR MINAYA…BECAUSE QUITE FRANKLY IT IS JUST TOO FUNNY WATCHING YOUR METROPOLITANS BLOW BASEBALL GAMES!
****SELLER NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HITS ALLOWED, EARNED RUNS, OR BLOWN SAVES****
WINNING BIDDER DOES NOT REALLY RECEIVE MARIANO RIVERA. AFTER JEFF WEAVER WAS SOLD I NEVER THOUGHT ANYONE WOULD HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN. I HOPE THAT THIS SALE WILL ERASE MO’S RECENT FUNK. WE LOVE YOU MARIANO.
� 1997-20243 by Allan Wood.
